I had once thought

I had once thought
I had once thought
that maybe this was life.
No love, no hate, no feelings.
My deepest feelings would never be shared.
I was so frightened;
I didn''t know what to do.
Scared of this one man all my life.
Face my fear, I told myself!
But it''s so hard, so confusing.
Do you know what it''s like
to wonder in darkness?
It never stops, never ends.
It goes on like a story with no ending.
Do you know how it feels
to be afraid of something
that you can''t do anything about?
That you didn''t ask for or even think about?
Do you know what it''s like? Do you know how it feels?
It''s complete and pure emptiness!
  

Jun, 18 2010     624 chars (4 sms)     4019 views       English Poetry

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On your knee, in the lamplight,
dipping buttered toast in your coffee,
I hear the hush of the silent house.
The other children gone off to school,
you and I sit together
alone in the dim morning light,
full of love and trust,
chattering to one another about
simple times with unfurrowed brows.
We were so close then.
I hold that memory in my mind
like an old black and white photograph
one would carry in a wallet, worn soft
from years of riding in a back pocket,
a photo
showing the ones you love,
the most beautiful mother,
the best loved and dearest held,
the treasured one--
to be shown far from home.
You showed me the sea..though your depiction
Her turbulent surface..chides my emotions
Her serene belly...recalls my intentions
The setting sun...reminds me of lost time
Fistful of sand...coerceing to let bygones be
Wave''s dance with winds...accentuates team-spirit
Sails at full mast.....suggests effeciency at peak
Give me death! I pray every day
Leave me not, to sigh, in every way
Seen I have, those beautiful days
Those little red flowers in an awesome place.

Why these windows, in front of me?
And all the beauty outside, and free
Ran, I have upon the soft wet ground
I walk far no more, just safe and sound

My beloved ones, have all gone away
Laughter, I yearn to hear, to be merry and gay
Tears, I have in my heart and dreams too
Like my youth, won`t the pills vanish too?

Years and years, have I spent in glee?
To sit here and look at the old worn tree
Searched I have, for a leaf of hope,
A lover from the skies, with whom to elope
My Pillow gazes upon me at night

Empty as a gravestone;

I never thought it would be so bitter

To be alone,

Not to lie down asleep in your hair.



I lie alone in a silent house,

The hanging lamp darkened,

And gently stretch out my hands

To gather in yours,

And softly press my warm mouth

Toward you, and kiss myself, exhausted and weak-

Then suddenly I''m awake

And all around me the cold night grows still.

The star in the window shines clearly-

Where is your blond hair,

Where your sweet mouth?



Now I drink pain in every delight

And poison in every wine;

I never knew it would be so bitter

To be alone,

Alone, without you.
Fears wash away from one single touch
Longing to be closer so to your waist I clutch
I shuffle my feet closer to the edge
Fears resurfacing, I can''t fall from this ledge
But then you take my hand into yours, what a sensation!
I peer over the edge for a look at sweet temptation

To Keep suppressing this feeling is to keep telling lies
I don''t feel frightened when you look into my eyes
I lean over the edge just a little more
I hear you call my name again just like before
If I should let go and fall from this ledge above
Tell me, will you reach out and catch me if I fall in love?
So often when I am embracing you,
It seems that you exist in this world
only because of me and I exist because of you.

It''s not easy to wander in this world
and not lose one''s way,
but the greatest happiness of all
is in giving joy to one''s beloved.

And if the king can have his throne,
and if the bird can have his Spring nest,
and God can have his heaven,
then I, my sweetheart, I can have you!
Slowly you become a memory
and start to fade away
as each week that passes by
I''m starting to feel OK

i cared about you dearly
i treated you like gold
i waited for the same
but was left out in the cold

you were mean and selfish
you treated me like dirt
you dug deeper and deeper
just to get me hurt

after everything you did
your wish didn''t come true
you will always remain a memory
but never forget i actually loved you!
I can survive,
And still jive
Though you are gone

Doesn''t really matter
My heart wont shatter
What if I am alone

Let the flowers bloom
Let the birds chirp
I wont drown in gloom

Let the wind whisper
Sweet nothings,
Let the cloud flirt

The fragrance,
the lilting melody
The nightly croon

Nothing can make me miss you
Nothing can sway

But...
it rained today...
you hold me close i feel so loved with feelings warm and true
you bring me hope, you bring me joy, you bring me all of you
you tell me so much in unspoken words, just actions and a smile
you help me believe that i can trust, and feel safe for a while
you hold me and surround me, make me feel so safe
your kiss and touch engulfs me, takes me to a higher place
you talk to me so tenderly, without saying a word
you show me that i''m needed, that only our hearts are heard
you help me see the totalness the completeness of only you
you show me without selfishness, the inner truth thats you
you take my hopes and all my dreams, help them to be real
you hold me close on angels wings, show me love that i can feel
Words twist and tumble
Through my mind
But I can''t grab the right word
Or the right line
So we sit
In silence
But it’s not uncomfortable
In fact I love it
You rest your head on my chest
As we lay here
Lovers entwined
Hearts tangled
You raise your head
And look into my eyes
And I see our love
Almost as if it’s a real force
I don’t ever want to lose this moment
You lay your head on my chest once again
And now I can feel your heartbeat
And my hearts skips
And I finally find the words I’m looking for
I love you
i never get to tell you what I really need to say
How I long to hold you each and every day
You mean more to me than words can ever express
Without you my life would be a total mess
As I look into your eyes, and at your perfect face
I know there will never be anyone to take your place
No matter what problems we may go through
That place in my heart will always be for you
If I am having a hard time letting you in
It''s because I have played the game, and never win
Your love means so much to me
I just don''t know how to make you see
I don''t care what people say
We can stick together anyway
Each Person Has A Different Path To The Friend’s Neighborhood

We exchanged reason for love.
Everybody is a buyer of a different good.

The mystic’s design and mark is distinct,
A different bazaar, a different shop.

It’s a different journey, a distinct world.
It’s different from this world and the other world.

Those on the land are unaware of those in the air.
A good from Ethiopia is different from one from Central Asia.

One who is in the sea is ignorant of some one who is in the desert.
Everybody is the king of his own city.